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CONFESSION #0937 — POST-CLOSE CATASTROPHE
Friday, October 9, 2026
The deal had been dead for a week before I found out. Friday before Thanksgiving: close goes smooth, buyers get keys, everyone's happy. Wednesday: I'm at my sister's eating pie. Thursday: voicemail from the buyer, sounds weird. Friday: twelve more calls I don't answer because I'm driving home. Saturday morning: buyer finally gets me. Says the basement flooded. Not a little water. Six inches. Sunday: I go look. Sump pump had been unplugged. Not broken. Unplugged. Monday: seller's agent says the sellers unplugged it to move a shelf and forgot to plug it back in. Just forgot. Been unplugged since the walkthrough. Tuesday: buyers want $40,000. Sellers say not their problem anymore. Wednesday: everyone's lawyer calls me like I did something. Still ongoing. That was three months ago.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEGLIGENT FAILURE TO SUPERVISE BASEMENT HYDROLOGY AND CRIMINAL ABANDONMENT OF A SUMP PUMP IN THE FIRST DEGREE
The Court has reviewed this AQUATIC NIGHTMARE and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the timeline presented. Friday you close, Wednesday you eat pie, Thursday the voicemail comes, and you just let it SIT THERE like a sump pump cord dangling uselessly in the void? Reginald once ignored a voicemail for three days and it turned out to be his accountant informing him of an audit, so The Court UNDERSTANDS avoidance, but SIX INCHES OF BASEMENT WATER is not a problem that improves with silence. The sellers unplugged a sump pump to move a SHELF and then simply walked away from the property like they had not just armed a hydrological time bomb? This Court cites the landmark decision in Soggy v. Forgetfulness, 2019, wherein it was established that forgetting to plug something back in is legally equivalent to HOPING for disaster. And now everyone's lawyer is calling YOU, three months later, while you sit there marinating in liability like that basement marinated in groundwater. The Court notes that forty thousand dollars is approximately the cost of Reginald's entire gavel collection, and the thought of losing The Council to a flooding dispute makes this Court need to lie down. VERDICT RENDERED, The Court must now go unplug something important at someone else's house and see how THEY like it.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.3/10 Submerged Accountability

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