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CONFESSION #0941 — ZILLOW ESTIMATE WAR
Saturday, October 10, 2026
We were in multiple offers. Good house, priced right, four offers came in by noon. My buyer went 20 over asking, waived inspection, the whole thing. We lost to someone who offered list price. Cash, sure, but the seller picked them because the Zestimate said the house was worth 40 grand less than what we offered. Seller's agent calls me, says her client thinks my buyer is trying to pull something. Thinks there's a catch. Because why would someone pay more than the computer says it's worth. I tried to explain that Zillow doesn't know about the new HVAC or the finished basement or the fact that the comparable sale three streets over was a divorce fire sale. Didn't matter. The seller trusted the algorithm more than four actual humans with actual money. My buyer still doesn't have a house.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF WITNESSING ALGORITHMIC MALPRACTICE IN THE FIRST DEGREE AND FAILING TO PHYSICALLY SHAKE SENSE INTO ALL PARTIES
The Court has reviewed this testimony and must now lie down on the floor of its chambers for several minutes. Let Reginald be ABSOLUTELY CLEAR: a seller rejected TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS of actual human currency because a WEBSITE told them their house was worth less, and they interpreted this as evidence of BUYER TREACHERY rather than evidence that ZILLOW IS A COMPUTER PROGRAM THAT HAS NEVER ONCE TOUCHED A WATER HEATER. This is like refusing a marriage proposal because your horoscope app said Mercury was in retrograde. The Court once lost a bidding war on a 1987 Ford Taurus because the seller's nephew said the Kelley Blue Book value was lower and therefore I must be planning to use it for crimes, so I UNDERSTAND THIS PAIN DEEPLY. Your buyer offered real money, waived inspection like a MANIAC, and lost to someone who apparently won by being less generous, which is a sentence The Court never thought it would have to type with its own gavel-calloused hands. The seller's agent should be required to take a continuing education course taught exclusively by that finished basement, and the Zestimate should be hauled before this Court as a hostile witness, though it will not appear because it is NOT REAL. Case closed, The Court must now go argue with its Roomba about jurisdiction.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.7/10 Algorithmic Betrayal

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