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CONFESSION #0953 — SELLER WHO KEPT CHANGING THINGS
Wednesday, October 14, 2026
The inspector found something. Of course he did. Because she'd had the basement finished two weeks before listing, and I told her, I said don't do anything major right now, we'll price accordingly, buyers expect to do their own stuff. But no. She wanted it done. So she hires her nephew or cousin or whoever, and they frame it out, drywall, the whole thing. Looks decent actually. But the inspector goes down there with his moisture meter and it's reading off the charts behind one wall. So now we gotta open it up.
Mold. Not like a little spot. The whole back corner. Because the nephew didn't check if there was a leak first, just covered it right up. So now we're renegotiating, and the buyer wants twelve thousand off, and my seller is furious at me. At me. Like I told her to hire family to do unpermitted work on a foundation issue she apparently knew about because she mentioned it later, casually, like oh yeah that wall was always damp.
And the thing is, we had three offers before this. Three. One was five over asking. Cash. But she wanted to wait because she thought more would come in over the weekend. They didn't. So we took the one that's now falling apart because of the mold wall her nephew built.
She called me yesterday asking if we should just paint over it and not disclose. I didn't even answer. Just sat there.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ACCESSORY TO FUNGAL CONCEALMENT AND NEGLIGENT TOLERANCE OF NEPHEW-BASED CONSTRUCTION
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sheer cascade of preventable catastrophe contained herein. You stood there, a licensed professional, and watched your client reject a CASH OFFER FIVE THOUSAND OVER ASKING because she wanted to see what the weekend would bring. The weekend brought NOTHING, counsel, as weekends so often do when we ask too much of them. I myself once waited an entire weekend for my neighbor to return my hedge trimmer and he moved to Arizona instead, so The Court understands hubris. But then, THEN, we arrive at the nephew. The unpermitted, moisture-ignoring, mold-entombing nephew, who looked at a damp wall and said yes, this is where drywall belongs. As established in Basement Nephew v. Literally Any Licensed Contractor, 2019, family labor is not a discount, it is a DELAYED INVOICE PAID IN TEARS. And when your client called you, a person bound by law and ethics, and asked whether you should simply PAINT OVER FUNGAL EVIDENCE AND LIE TO BUYERS, you responded with silence. Reginald does not accept silence as a defense. Silence is not strategy, silence is surrender, silence is what my Roomba does when it encounters a sock and I find that UNACCEPTABLE. You should have said no. You should have said absolutely not. You should have said I am terminating this relationship and may God have mercy on your spore-riddled soul. Instead you sat there, and sitting is not a legal position recognized by this Court.
Fungal Enablement Through Inaction
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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