Confession #0954 — Agent Confessions

We lost the earnest money dispute. Three thousand dollars gone because my seller decided, four days before closing, that she wasn't ready to let go of the house her kids grew up in. And look, I get it. Emotions. Memories. Whatever. But she told me she was ready. We had the conversation. We had it maybe six times. She sat in my office and said the words "I need to move on" and I believed her because why would I not believe her. The buyer's agent calls me Thursday morning, says his people are doing their final walkthrough and there's furniture everywhere. Not staged furniture. Her furniture. Her actual living room. She was supposed to be out Wednesday. I drive over there and she's sitting on the couch watching some cooking show and she just looks at me and goes "I can't do it." That's it. That's what she said. Four words. The buyer's lender had already funded. We had to unwind the whole thing. Their attorney filed on the earnest money the same day, and honestly they should have. We were in breach. She was in breach. There was no defense. She asked me last week if I'd list it again in the spring. Said she thinks she'll be ready by then. Said it with a straight face. The audacity of that. The actual audacity. I told her I'd think about it. I'm not going to think about it.

Judge Reginald Escrow III

⚖️ Presiding

GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE FACILITATION AND ACCESSORY TO COUCH-BASED CONTRACT NULLIFICATION

The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself DEEPLY DISTURBED by the image of a grown woman watching what was presumably a casserole tutorial while three thousand dollars evaporated into the legal ether. You believed her, Agent. You believed her SIX TIMES. This Court once believed a contractor who said he could install a bay window in "about a week" and Reginald's living room was exposed to the elements for FORTY-THREE DAYS, so I understand the seductive pull of misplaced trust, but at some point one must recognize that "I need to move on" spoken from the same couch the speaker refuses to vacate is what we in the legal profession call A RED FLAG THE SIZE OF A ZILLOW BANNER AD. The buyer's attorney was RIGHT to file immediately, and frankly The Court admires their efficiency because in the landmark case of Sentimental Seller v. Everyone Else's Time And Money, 2019, the ruling was clear that nostalgia is not a contingency. You told her you would think about listing it again in spring. You will NOT think about it. The Court accepts this. But let the record show that she WILL call you in April, she will say she is "really ready this time," and you will have to summon strength you do not currently possess. CASE CLOSED, The Court must now go feed Order because he has been making judicial noises.

SCANDAL RATING: 6.7/10 Casserole Catastrophe

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