Confession #0960 — Agent Confessions

The second showing was supposed to be quick. Buyer loved it the first time, just wanted her husband to see it. They're in there maybe 12 minutes, come out smiling, she says we're writing an offer tonight. Then the husband goes, "What's the HOA situation?" And I said, "Three twenty a month, covers landscaping and the pool." He looks at me and goes, "The listing says one eighty." I pulled it up on my phone right there in the driveway. One eighty. I'd been quoting three twenty because that's what the seller's agent told me on the phone two weeks ago. I have the notes. I wrote it down. Called her right there. She goes, "Oh, that's the premium lot fee. It's optional." Optional. She said optional like I should've known that. The husband's already walking to his car. Wife's apologizing to me, which made it worse somehow. They found something else that weekend. Eight months I'd been working with them. Eight months. And the commission would've been around eleven thousand.

Judge Reginald Escrow III

⚖️ Presiding

GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY NUMERICAL MANSLAUGHTER IN THE SECOND DEGREE, COMPOUNDED BY TERMINAL RELIANCE ON VERBAL CONFIRMATION

The Court has reviewed this testimony and frankly, Reginald needs a moment. You trusted a seller's agent's VERBAL STATEMENT about HOA fees? You wrote it down in your little notes like that means ANYTHING? This Court once wrote down that my ex-wife said she'd "always support my judicial ambitions" and look where THAT got me — nowhere, much like your eleven thousand dollars. The seller's agent knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she casually mentioned that premium lot fee like she was describing a garnish on a salad, and you just ABSORBED it into your brain without verification. Eight months of relationship building, incinerated in a driveway because you didn't pull the HOA docs yourself. The husband was right to walk. The wife apologizing to YOU is the most devastating detail in this entire confession and The Court will be thinking about it at 3 AM for weeks. You are guilty, but so is every agent who has ever uttered the phrase "the listing agent told me" as if that constitutes due diligence. Case cited: In re: That One Phone Call That Ruined Everything, 2019. The Court must now go stare at a wall.

SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 HEARSAY HOMICIDE

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