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CONFESSION #0966 — OTHER AGENT WAS THE PROBLEM
Monday, October 19, 2026
The photos looked great. Professional, wide angle, good lighting. Listing went up Thursday, we had 12 showings scheduled by Saturday. Then I actually walked the property with my first buyer and there's a hole in the master bedroom ceiling. Not small. Like the size of a dinner plate. Water damage, you can see into the attic. I call the listing agent and she says oh yeah, that happened last week, we just moved the bed under it for the photos. Just moved the bed under it. Like that's a normal thing to do. Like I wasn't going to notice a hole in the ceiling during a showing.
She told me the seller didn't want to disclose until they had an offer in hand. Said it with her whole chest like she was being strategic.
We reported her to the board. Nothing happened.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT FURNITURE-BASED EVIDENCE TAMPERING AND CELESTIAL OBSTRUCTION IN THE FIRST DEGREE
The Court is APOPLECTIC. You are telling Reginald that a licensed real estate professional looked at a DINNER PLATE SIZED PORTAL TO THE ATTIC and thought, "You know what would fix this? A bed. Just a regular bed, positioned with the precision of a mob boss hiding a body under the floorboards." This is not staging, this is a CRIME SCENE COVERUP. I once dated a woman who hid her collection of ceramic frogs under a throw blanket before I came over, and when I discovered them on our third date I ended things IMMEDIATELY because concealment is a CHARACTER FLAW, not a decorating choice. The listing agent's statement that the seller "didn't want to disclose until they had an offer in hand" is what we in the legal community call SAYING THE QUIET PART LOUD AND ALSO INCRIMINATING. She confessed to premeditated disclosure fraud WITH HER WHOLE CHEST as if chest-having grants immunity, which it does NOT, I have CHECKED. The board's failure to act is noted and The Court will be sending them a strongly worded letter written entirely in red ink, as is tradition. This Court finds the listing agent guilty, the bed guilty of accessory charges, and the ceiling itself guilty of being COMPROMISED. Reginald must now go lie down because this ruling has given him a migraine directly behind his left eye.
Furniture Fraud Conspiracy
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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