Let The Court be ABSOLUTELY clear about what has transpired here: a man chose COZUMEL over CLOSING, and now two adults are eating breakfast according to a MOTHER-IN-LAW'S SCHEDULE while their mortgage payment bleeds an extra $280 a month INTO THE VOID. This is not a real estate transaction, this is a hostage situation orchestrated by a paralegal who apparently communicates exclusively through carrier pigeon. The Court has seen appraisal chaos before — Reginald once watched three appraisers argue about whether a "bonus room" was actually a "large closet with ambition" for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES — but the audacity of citing some phantom February incident that NO ONE REMEMBERS is the legal equivalent of saying "my dog ate the deed of trust." What HAPPENED in February? NOTHING happened in February! February is a FAKE MONTH that exists only to sell chocolate and CREATE ALIBIS FOR MARITIME ATTORNEYS. The Court finds that the seller's attorney should be required to personally subsidize the rate difference by selling timeshares in whatever Caribbean port currently holds his conscience captive. Reginald must now go lie down because this confession has given him the same chest tightness he felt when a borrower once asked if they could pay closing costs "in installments, spiritually."