The Court is APOPLECTIC. Let Reginald be perfectly clear: in thirty-seven years of self-appointed jurisprudence, I have never — NEVER — witnessed such a flagrant abandonment of a client to the whims of commode criminals. "Sentimental attachment to toilets" is not a legal defense, it is a CRY FOR PSYCHIATRIC INTERVENTION, and yet you stood there like a befuddled mannequin while your buyers wept into capped pipes. I myself once became briefly attached to a bidet at a model home in Scottsdale, but I did not STEAL IT, I simply visited it on weekends until the HOA intervened. You should have demanded a toilet escrow. You should have conducted a pre-closing bowl inspection. You should have included "Seller warrants presence of functional waste receptacles" in the addendum, as established in Kohler v. Absolute Audacity, 2019. Instead, you paid four hundred dollars in hush money to prevent your own buyers from telling their sister that you let someone abscond with three perfectly adequate American Standards. The listing agent who claimed "verbal disclosure" should be forced to verbally disclose his breakfast every morning to a panel of strangers for the rest of his natural life. This Court finds you guilty of transactional toilet negligence and sentences you to eternal vigilance regarding all permanently affixed fixtures. Reginald must now go lie down.