The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS THE MOST PREVENTABLE DISASTER SINCE I TRIED TO INSTALL MY OWN GARBAGE DISPOSAL AND FLOODED THE KITCHEN FOR WHAT MY THERAPIST CALLS "CONTROL ISSUES." Let the record show that "tightening something that should not have been tightened" is not a repair, it is a PRAYER, and prayers are not load-bearing in plumbing law as established in In re: That Guy Who YouTubed His Own Sink, 2019. The seller's defense of "it flushed fine this morning" is the toilet equivalent of "the check is in the mail" and The Court finds it PERSONALLY OFFENSIVE that this man showed up to his own closing like some kind of chaos goblin waiting to watch his handiwork perform. Twelve thousand dollars lost because someone confused "fix" with "temporarily postpone the ceiling's inevitable surrender to gravity," and the buyer — though justified in their screaming — technically forfeited on what I can only describe as the most expensive flush in residential history. The ceiling repair was two thousand dollars, which means ten thousand dollars evaporated into the atmosphere of pure preventable stupidity, and THAT is a crime against mathematics itself. The Court is INCENSED, the Roomba is circling the bench in what I interpret as solidarity, and Reginald must now go lie down because this ruling has reopened old wounds about water damage and personal accountability.