The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity on display. You shopped for roofers like Reginald shops for gavel polish — with DESPERATION and ZERO STANDARDS. This "Mike or Mark" character examined a roof for eight minutes, which is approximately seven minutes longer than he examined his own moral compass. The Court notes that in Shingle v. Integrity (2019), we established that any tradesperson willing to "sign whatever you need" is either a saint or a future defendant, and the Court has OPINIONS about which category Mike-or-Mark falls into. But here is what ENRAGES Reginald most: you performed a MIRACLE of crisis management, you moved HEAVEN and EARTH and three separate roofing contractors, and this seller — this UNGRATEFUL WRETCH who was already packed and had MOVERS COMING FRIDAY — had the AUDACITY to leave you a review about COMMUNICATION? THE COURT ONCE RECEIVED A ONE-STAR REVIEW FROM A CEILING FAN AND IT STILL STINGS. You are guilty, but honestly, the Court suspects everyone in this transaction deserved each other. The bailiff will now escort you out while Reginald stress-eats crackers in chambers.