The Court has reviewed the evidence and must now lie down for several minutes. ONE TAP. This agent witnessed ONE TAP transform a functioning smart home into what Reginald can only describe as a twelve thousand dollar brick with WiFi capabilities. The Court is reminded of the landmark case of Nest v. Human Hubris, 2022, in which it was established that "he who liveth by the app shall dieth by the factory reset." But what ENRAGES this Court is the seller's attorney bleating about "working condition at inspection" as if a smart home system is not, by its very NATURE, a ticking time bomb of planned obsolescence waiting to betray everyone who trusted it. I myself once had a smart thermostat that I am CONVINCED was plotting against me, always setting itself to sixty-two degrees when it KNEW I preferred sixty-eight, and I had to have it removed by a priest. The buyers could not enter their own home because someone thought it would be DELIGHTFUL to connect their DOOR LOCKS to the CLOUD, and now HERE WE ARE, eight hundred dollars to a locksmith and four days in a hotel because progress demanded we make houses require software updates. The Court rules that everyone involved failed upward into this disaster, but the true defendant is our collective decision as a society to let Silicon Valley touch our doorknobs. Reginald must now go disconnect his garage door opener before it develops ambitions.