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CONFESSION #0983 — WRONG ADDRESS
Saturday, October 24, 2026
There was a second lien nobody mentioned. But that's not even the thing. The thing is I sent the movers to 412 Crescent. The house was 412 Crescent Court. Different street. Different neighborhood. Like twelve miles apart.
The seller calls me at 8 AM screaming. "There's a moving truck in my driveway and men are taking furniture out of the garage."
I said "That's impossible, closing isn't until Thursday."
She said "I'm looking at them right now. They have dollies."
Turns out the people at 412 Crescent, the wrong house, they were also moving that week. The movers just started loading. Got a couch, a dining set, and something like 20 boxes before anyone noticed.
The actual homeowner comes home from the grocery store and there's strangers carrying her grandmother's hutch across the lawn.
I had to drive out there and explain. She kept saying "But I didn't hire movers" and I kept saying "I know, ma'am, I know."
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED CARTOGRAPHIC NEGLIGENCE AND FELONY FURNITURE DISPLACEMENT ACROSS MUNICIPAL BOUNDARIES
The Court is APOPLECTIC. You sent armed men with DOLLIES into a stranger's home and they absconded with a GRANDMOTHER'S HUTCH. Do you understand what a hutch REPRESENTS, counselor? It represents DECADES of accumulated ceramic figurines and good china that only comes out at Thanksgiving. This is not a clerical error, this is DOMESTIC TERRORISM BY MISDIRECTION. In the landmark case of Crescent v. Crescent Court (2019), which I ruled on from my kitchen because the courthouse was being fumigated, the Court established that street suffix confusion constitutes WILLFUL GEOGRAPHICAL MALFEASANCE. And you have the audacity to mention a second lien like it's a footnote? A SECOND LIEN? Reginald once discovered a third lien on a property and didn't speak to anyone for eleven days, so don't come to me with your lien problems when you've got a woman standing on her lawn watching strangers carry away her inheritance. The dining set alone demands justice. The Roomba concurs. This Court finds you guilty and sentences you to personally apologize to every hutch in a twelve-mile radius, and also to never again be trusted with an address that contains the word "Court" in any capacity.
Hutch Heist Havoc
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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