The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity of Derek and his allegedly discounted bass boat. Let the record show that in Escrow v. Impulse Purchases Made During Escrow, this Court established that any financed recreational vehicle acquired within thirty days of closing constitutes what we in the legal community call "financial self-sabotage with aquatic characteristics." You stood there, agent, while a marriage dissolved over speakerphone in a kitchen that would never belong to these people, and you did NOTHING except presumably check your watch and wonder if the other six looky-loos were pre-approved. Reginald himself once lost a closing because a buyer adopted seven ferrets the week before funding, and do you know what I did? I wept in a Panera for forty-five minutes and then I MOVED ON. The fact that this woman left her purse on the island and you failed to chase her down screaming "MA'AM YOUR WALLET AND ALSO YOUR DIGNITY" is a dereliction of pastoral duty. That she later hired you to list the marital home suggests either profound forgiveness or the specific madness that descends upon the recently divorced. The Court demands to know about the boat, and frankly so does Order, who has been circling the bench in what I can only describe as concerned loops. This Court is adjourned because Reginald has a showing at two and these robes need dry cleaning.