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CONFESSION #0986 — LOWBALL OFFER
Sunday, October 25, 2026
Her attorney got involved. Which is exactly what I deserved, honestly. Listing was at 425, nice little three bed in a decent school district, nothing special. Sellers were motivated, I knew that. Buyers come in at 380 and I told them look, that's insulting, let's at least start at 395. They said no, 380, we want to see what happens. And I just submitted it. Didn't even call the listing agent first to feel it out, didn't soften it, nothing. Just sent it over with a form letter. The sellers were so offended they refused to counter. Like, refused. Their agent called me and said the wife was crying because she thought we were mocking her dead mother's house. I had no idea the mom had just passed. None. Could've known if I'd made one phone call. My buyers lost the house, it sold to someone else for 410, and now there's a formal complaint because apparently I misrepresented the market conditions in my CMA. Did I? Maybe. Probably.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED LOWBALL NEGLIGENCE WITH RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR BASIC TELEPHONE OPERATION
The Court is APPALLED, truly APPALLED, that in the year of our Lord we have licensed professionals who cannot be bothered to pick up a TELEPHONE before emotionally carpet-bombing a grieving widow with a 45-thousand-dollar insult wrapped in a FORM LETTER. You knew the sellers were motivated and your response was to treat that vulnerability like a clearance bin at HomeGoods, just grabbing whatever number felt fun and FLINGING it across the MLS with all the care of a man returning a Redbox DVD. Reginald himself once lowballed a seller by twelve dollars at a garage sale and the shame STILL haunts him at night, so imagine, IMAGINE, doing this to a woman standing in her dead mother's kitchen wondering why strangers think her childhood home is worth mockery. One phone call, counsel, ONE CALL, and you would have learned that perhaps, just PERHAPS, the three-bedroom with the motivated sellers had a story attached to it that deserved more than your apparent strategy of "let's see what happens" which is NOT a negotiation tactic, it is what teenagers say before combining Mentos and Diet Coke. The CMA complaint is frankly the LEAST of your problems because you have committed the cardinal sin of this profession which is forgetting that houses are not spreadsheets, they are WHERE PEOPLE LIVED AND LOVED AND APPARENTLY DIED. The Court sentences you to make one unnecessary phone call per day for six months until human connection feels natural again, and also to write "I will not form-letter grief" on a chalkboard until your buyers forgive you, which they will not.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.8/10 Form Letter Felony

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