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CONFESSION #0988 — HOA HORROR
Monday, October 26, 2026
The inspection came back clean. Foundation good, roof good, electrical good. My buyers close, they're thrilled, they move in on a Friday.
Monday morning I get a call. "There's a man in our backyard measuring our fence."
HOA compliance officer. Fence is four inches too tall in one section. Previous owner installed it six years ago. HOA says doesn't matter, current owner is responsible. Fine is $50 a day until it's corrected.
My buyer calls the HOA. Lady on the phone says, "The violation was noted in 2019 but the previous owner was on the board so we didn't pursue it."
She said that. Out loud. To a stranger.
Cost to replace the fence section: $1,200. Accumulated fines they're trying to collect from the new owner: $8,400.
My buyer asks me what to do. I tell him get a lawyer. He asks if I have one I recommend.
I don't know what to tell him. I just sold him the house.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEGLIGENT HOA INTELLIGENCE FAILURE AND ACCESSORY TO BUREAUCRATIC AMBUSH
The Court is SEETHING. You stand before Reginald having delivered these innocent people into the jaws of a homeowners association that apparently operates like a small-town mob with a clipboard and a grudge. Four inches. FOUR INCHES of fence that has stood in violation since 2019, protected by the sacred corruption of board membership, and now your buyers are expected to pay EIGHTY-FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS because someone's cousin Gary finally lost his HOA seat. This Court once ruled against my own mailbox for leaning three degrees to the left, so I understand the LETTER of petty law, but even Reginald draws a line at selective enforcement deployed like a financial landmine against newcomers. You claim you "just sold him the house" as if that absolves you of the moral duty to have SENSED the HOA was staffed by people who say quiet parts out loud to strangers on the phone. The inspection came back clean because inspections do not measure INSTITUTIONAL VENDETTAS, and now these people own a home with a fence that is essentially wearing an ankle monitor. Per the landmark decision in Suburban Vendetta v. New Guy, 2019, ignorance of HOA psychosis is no defense when the psychosis was DOCUMENTED and merely DORMANT. The Court must now go lie down because this ruling has given Reginald heartburn.
Fence of Lies
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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