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CONFESSION #0991 — SELLER WHO KEPT CHANGING THINGS
Tuesday, October 27, 2026
The seller called while I was on vacation. Said she wanted to swap out the kitchen faucet before the open house. I said sure, thinking she meant like a nicer one. She meant she wanted to install this vintage brass thing she found at an estate sale. Didn't match anything. The inspector had already been through, buyers loved the kitchen, we were three days from closing.
She called the plumber herself. He installed it wrong, leaked into the cabinet below, warped the wood. Eight hundred dollars to fix, plus we had to delay closing by a week. Buyers almost walked. Their rate lock expired.
She asked me why I didn't stop her.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE SUPERVISION OF VINTAGE BRASS DELUSIONS AND ACCESSORY TO PLUMBING-BASED SABOTAGE
The Court is BESIDE ITSELF with the sheer audacity of what has transpired here. You were on VACATION, presumably sipping something with an umbrella in it, and when a seller called asking to perform unsupervised surgery on a kitchen that was ALREADY BELOVED BY BUYERS, you said SURE like she was asking to borrow a cup of sugar. This Court once had a client ask if she could paint her front door chartreuse two hours before a showing and I said NO, MEREDITH, CHARTREUSE IS A CRY FOR HELP, and that listing sold in forty-eight hours. You had a DUTY to ask follow-up questions, specifically the question WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY FAUCET AND WHERE DID YOU FIND IT. Estate sale brass is not a design choice, it is a warning sign, like when someone tells you they have opinions about grout. The buyers almost WALKED, their rate lock EXPIRED, and now this woman has the NERVE to ask why you did not stop her as if you are her parent and she is a toddler reaching for a hot stove. Reginald is INCENSED. The gavel has spoken and it sounds like water damage.
Faucet of Betrayal
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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