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CONFESSION #1002 — OTHER AGENT WAS THE PROBLEM
Saturday, October 31, 2026
The wire didn't arrive. Three days before closing the wire didn't arrive and I'm calling the other agent like hey we need to figure this out and she goes oh yeah the buyers decided to switch lenders last week. Last week. We're closing Friday and they switched lenders last week and nobody thought to maybe mention this to the listing side? And I'm trying to stay calm because my sellers already bought plane tickets to move to Phoenix (non-refundable, like $800 worth) and this agent is acting like I'm being unreasonable for wanting more than 72 hours notice that we're pushing closing by minimum two weeks. So I ask her when the new lender can realistically close and she goes I don't know I haven't talked to them yet. You haven't talked to them yet. Your buyers switched lenders and you haven't talked to the new lender. She said she was waiting for them to reach out to her. The lender. To reach out to the agent. That's not how it works, that's never been how it works, I don't even know what to say to that so I just said okay well can you call them now and she said she was at lunch.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE FIRST DEGREE, AGGRAVATED LENDER ABANDONMENT, AND LUNCH-BASED DERELICTION OF DUTY
The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly Reginald needs a moment because his blood pressure medication was NOT calibrated for this level of professional malpractice. Let the record show that the opposing agent committed what can only be described as a COMPLETE ABDICATION OF BASIC COGNITIVE FUNCTION, as established in the landmark case of Actually Do Your Job v. Whatever This Is, 2019. She was WAITING for the LENDER to reach out to HER? The Court once waited for a sandwich to make itself and you know what happened? NOTHING HAPPENED because that is NOT HOW CAUSALITY WORKS. Your sellers are out eight hundred dollars in non-refundable airfare to Phoenix, a city The Court has strong feelings about due to an incident at a Scottsdale open house that is NOT relevant here, and this agent is treating a Friday closing like a SUGGESTION while she masticates her way through what Reginald can only assume was a COMPLETELY UNDESERVED lunch. The Court finds the confessing agent INNOCENT of wrongdoing and instead issues a bench warrant for the other agent's real estate license, her lunch, and whatever audacity gland is clearly malfunctioning in her brain. ORDER THE ROOMBA HAS HEARD ENOUGH AND SO HAS THE COURT.
Lunch Crime Syndicate
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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