Wednesday, April 15, 2026

The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment because this one hits DIFFERENT. What we have here is a textbook case of listing larceny — the kind of betrayal that makes Estate v. Basic Human Decency (2019) look like a PARKING TICKET. This agent didn't just get cold feet, she got WARM HANDS counting both sides of that commission while your buyers' dreams died in a Honda Civic. The audacity of hosting an open house on a property she JUST claimed the seller wanted to keep is the kind of brazen duplicity I haven't seen since my second wife "transitioned" our marriage "internally" to my former racquetball partner. "Transitioned the listing internally" — oh, is THAT what we're calling fraud now? Should I "transition" my gavel "internally" into this desk? The broker hanging up tells The Court everything it needs to know: that office has the ethical foundation of a flip built on a sinkhole. Your buyers cried in your car, and somewhere that agent is crying too — INTO A PILLOW STUFFED WITH DOUBLE-ENDED COMMISSION CHECKS. The Court finds this conduct so egregious that Order the Roomba just vacuumed toward the exit in protest and Reginald must follow because justice cannot breathe in this room any longer.

The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself in the unusual position of experiencing something Reginald rarely permits: empathy. You had a dry basement at inspection. You had a disclosure that said nothing. You had a seller who apparently believed that "grading" is some kind of basement baptism that permanently cleanses all water sins, and a listing agent who waited until AFTER CLOSE to mention the 2019 Incident like it was a fun piece of trivia rather than MATERIAL INFORMATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCLOSED. This Court once ruled against a man for failing to disclose that his dishwasher made a sound he described as "judgmental" so I am INTIMATELY familiar with disclosure failures, and what happened here was not YOUR disclosure failure. Your buyers are texting you daily as though you personally installed a storm drain that routes directly into their foundation. You are not a hydrologist. You are not a time traveler. You are not even still their agent because THE TRANSACTION CLOSED, which is a legal concept I assume everyone understands except apparently your clients who seem to believe the agent-client relationship is a blood oath that transcends recording dates. The real criminals are in Arizona now, probably enjoying adequate drainage and zero accountability, and The Court suggests your buyers redirect their energy toward a real estate attorney licensed in multiple jurisdictions rather than toward you, a person whose only crime was trusting an inspection and wanting to eat dinner. Case dismissed with prejudice toward the seller's agent who should be ashamed. Reginald must go now because Order just got stuck under the credenza again.

The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself TREMBLING WITH RECOGNITION, for Reginald too has been victimized by the Lindas of this world — neighborhood busybodies who treat speculation as gospel and the comment section as their personal courtroom. You made TWELVE CALLS, which frankly shows more patience than this Court has ever demonstrated toward anyone, including my own sister who once suggested I was not a real judge at a family barbecue. The tragedy here is GEOMETRIC in nature: a young couple wanted YELLOW PAINT, agent, YELLOW PAINT, which is the most innocent of renovation intentions, and yet some digital vigilante with a profile picture of her labradoodle convinced your seller that demolition crews were incoming. Per the landmark decision in HOA Busybody v. Everyone's Happiness (2019), the Court recognizes that Facebook neighborhood groups are where reason goes to be murdered by people who peaked in middle school hall monitoring. You should have isolated your seller from the internet entirely, perhaps through strategic Wi-Fi sabotage, because eight thousand dollars is now GONE and Linda faces NO CONSEQUENCES, which is how it always works with the Lindas. The Court is docking points only because you failed to preemptively warn your client that the comment section is a war zone and the enemy has unlimited free time. Reginald must now go lie down because this has triggered something.