Wednesday, May 27, 2026

The Court has reviewed the evidence and frankly, Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2017 WITH A MAN NAMED DEREK WHO PROMISED TO TEACH ME "ABUNDANCE MINDSET" BUT JUST MADE US DO JUMPING JACKS IN A MARRIOTT COURTYARD. You paid four thousand American dollars to watch a woman read someone else's book by candlelight in a room with accordion walls, which as established in Desperate Agent v. Anyone With a Ring Light, 2022, constitutes a wellness crime. The clip art house with eyes is particularly damning because those eyes SAW you being defrauded and did nothing, making it an accessory. That you gave two stars instead of one shows a generosity of spirit that The Court finds almost criminally naive, and your broker calling her your guru is the kind of workplace harassment that would be actionable if anything about your industry made sense, which as we all know, it does not. The cease and desist from Scottsdale is textbook intimidation because nothing legally binding has ever come out of Scottsdale except regret and a concerning number of spray tan lawsuits The Court cannot discuss due to an ongoing investigation into Reginald's own Arizona period. You are hereby ordered to leave your two-star review exactly where it is, add the phrase "the packet had clip art" to it, and never again pay money to anyone who uses the word "intention" as a verb. This Court is adjourned because I need to go check if Derek is still posting and frankly that is none of your business.

The Court is PHYSICALLY TREMBLING with rage at what can only be described as the most transparent case of professional assassination since Zillow v. Common Sense, 2021. This other agent — this INBOX TERRORIST — had your cell phone, had your email, had presumably functioning fingers capable of typing your direct address, and yet she chose to send mission-critical documents to a general inbox with the same energy Reginald's ex-wife used when she "accidentally" forwarded his Netflix password to her book club. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MONITORING YOUR OFFICE INBOX? The Court once ruled against a fax machine for "willful obsolescence" and I am prepared to do the same to this agent's entire career. You were SNORKELING, a perfectly legitimate activity that The Court endorses because water is honest and does not send passive-aggressive emails to wrong addresses. The buyer's agent knew EXACTLY what she was doing — she wanted this deal dead and she buried it in an inbox graveyard like a coward hiding a body in a foreclosure. Three hundred thousand dollars, gone, because someone decided to weaponize administrative incompetence. The Court finds the confessing agent NOT GUILTY by reason of being the victim of a CALCULATED PROFESSIONAL HIT JOB, and furthermore orders that the other agent be forced to check a general inbox for the rest of her natural life.

The Court is PHYSICALLY UNWELL at the revelation that two licensed real estate professionals from the SAME BROKERAGE looked at a man mowing a lawn and said yes this is sufficient proof of ownership. He showed you a deed from 2016 and NOBODY thought to ask what happened in the subsequent SEVEN YEARS of human existence? Reginald himself once dated a woman for three weeks before discovering she was still technically married to a man named Doug who lived in the basement, so The Court understands how these things can slip through the cracks, BUT REGINALD WAS NOT FACILITATING A FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR REAL ESTATE TRANSACTION AT THE TIME. You accepted a deed older than most TikTok trends as conclusive evidence while this man was out there WATERING ANOTHER WOMAN'S AZALEAS WITH CRIMINAL INTENT. The ex-wife owns a home she did not know was being sold by a man she presumably divorced for EXCELLENT REASONS, and somewhere a title company employee is still staring at their computer screen wondering if this profession was worth the student loans. Twelve hours of online compliance training is INSUFFICIENT — The Court hereby recommends you also be required to Google the phrase "public records search" while a disappointed broker watches. This Court must now adjourn because Reginald has just remembered he never verified who actually owns his own condominium.