Thursday, August 6, 2026

The other agent emailed at 9pm. Night before the open house. "Just wanted to let you know the sellers left their dog." Left their dog. Like it's a lamp they forgot to unplug. I get there at 10am and there's this massive German Shepherd in the backyard, no food bowl, no water, nothing. Just staring at me through the sliding glass door. And the sellers aren't answering their phones because they're already on a flight to Cancun. So I'm doing an open house with a dog I can't let in and can't let out. First couple shows up, nice young family, and the husband asks if he can see the backyard. I tell him there's a dog situation. He says oh we love dogs. I say this isn't that kind of dog. This dog has not blinked in 20 minutes. I called the listing agent six times. Six. She finally texts back "can you just give him some lunch meat" like I carry deli supplies in my car. The whole three hours I'm standing in this kitchen trying to sell a $485,000 house while a German Shepherd paces behind glass like a museum exhibit nobody asked for. One lady asked if the dog conveyed with the property. I honestly didn't know if she was joking. Sellers got back Tuesday. Never apologized. Asked how the open house went. I said fine. Four showings. No offers. The dog's fine too, thanks for asking.

The deal had been dead for a week before I found out. Buyer's agent never called me, never texted, I just got a voicemail from the title company asking why we hadn't scheduled the final walkthrough and I'm like what do you mean we closed eight days ago, and she goes no the funding fell through, the lender pulled out at the last minute because (and this is where it gets good) the buyer had co-signed on his brother's truck loan three days before closing and it tanked his debt-to-income ratio. Three days before. A truck. Not even his truck. His brother's truck that his brother apparently needed for a landscaping business that doesn't exist yet. The sellers had already moved to Phoenix. They were in Phoenix when I called them. They'd hired movers, put their dog on a plane, the whole thing. The buyer just kept saying he didn't think it would matter and I wanted to scream because we talked about this, we specifically talked about not making any major purchases, and he goes well it wasn't a purchase it was a co-sign, like that's different, like the bank cares about that distinction. The sellers are paying two mortgages now and the earnest money was only $4,000 which covers basically nothing and I still don't know if we're relisting or what because nobody returns my calls anymore including my own client.

The offer came in under asking. Seller took it because they needed out fast. Monday: buyer orders inspection. Tuesday: inspector finds the deck isn't attached to the house. Just sitting there. Held up by gravity and hope I guess. Wednesday: they open the crawl space. Water damage under the master bath, been leaking for years probably. Thursday: HVAC guy says the furnace has a cracked heat exchanger. Carbon monoxide situation. Friday: structural engineer comes out, says the deck repair alone is twelve thousand. Saturday: buyer wants twenty-eight thousand credit. Seller says they don't have it. Sunday: I'm sitting in my car doing math on the back of a gas receipt. Monday: deal falls apart. Tuesday: seller asks if we have to disclose all this now. Yes. Yes we do.