Saturday, August 22, 2026

The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL with the audacity on display here. Three minutes. THREE MINUTES on an inspection report while conducting what The Court can only assume was a call about literally anything other than your sworn duty to your clients. You scrolled past page 12 like it was a terms of service agreement for a free app, and now there is WATER in someone's BASEMENT because you treated a legal document like a CVS receipt. Reginald once read a 47-page HOA covenant about acceptable mailbox heights IN ITS ENTIRETY because that is what PROFESSIONALS do. The inspector buried it on page 12, you say, as if that absolves you, as if page 12 is some kind of unreachable frontier that only Lewis and Clark could access. Your child had strep, and The Court is sympathetic, truly, because The Court's own nephew once had strep and it was A WHOLE THING, but your clients now have forty thousand dollars of foundation problems and a lovely story about how their agent was too busy being a parent to be a fiduciary. The phrase "technically disclosed" will be carved on your professional tombstone. This Court hereby sentences you to read every inspection report aloud, in full, standing in the basement of the property in question, until the day you retire or the day Order the Roomba finally achieves sentience, whichever comes first. CASE CLOSED, Reginald must now go lie down.

The Court has reviewed this testimony and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sequence of events described. A folder, counsel. This man approached your showing with a FOLDER. That is premeditated neighborly hostility of the highest order, and yet The Court must ask — where was your perimeter? Where was your defensive formation? In Picket v. Fencepost Holdings LLC (2019), this Court established that any licensed agent operating within fifty feet of a property line must maintain what we call "neighbor awareness protocol," which includes but is not limited to: strategic small talk, preemptive compliments about lawn care, and if necessary, a diversionary plate of cookies. You had NONE of these countermeasures deployed. Six inches of encroachment that predates the iPhone X, and this man chose YOUR showing to relitigate it like he was waiting for an audience. Reginald himself once lost a girlfriend over a property line dispute — she sided with the surveyor, which The Court maintains was an act of emotional treason — so I understand the stakes here better than most. The buyer used the phrase "inheriting drama" which suggests she has been burned before, possibly by a timeshare or a cousin with a boat, and you failed to intercept the chaos before it reached her ears. Twelve years of silence broken by one folder and your complete lack of situational fortification. The Court finds you negligent, the neighbor finds himself vindicated, and Reginald finds himself needing to take a walk because this has surfaced some things.

The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald is DISGUSTED — not with you, but with the absolute CIRCUS of humanity you were forced to endure. You explained disclosure law to someone who thought white-out was a legal instrument. WHITE-OUT. This is not 1974 and you are not forging a hall pass to skip gym class, and yet here we are, with a grown woman texting at 6am like the easement personally insulted her Christmas decorations. The Court once had a neighbor who tried to white-out a parking ticket and mail it back, and that neighbor is now what we call "an example." And then — AND THEN — the daughter calls crying, as if your adherence to basic real estate law was an act of emotional violence, as if YOU are the villain for not helping mommy commit what we in the legal profession call "fraud." The church agent calling to ask what an easement is should be grounds for immediate license revocation, but instead she probably got a casserole and a referral. You lost the client, they lost twelve thousand dollars, and the only person who learned anything is you: that integrity is expensive and deeply inconvenient. The Court hereby awards you nothing but the cold comfort of being right, which as Reginald knows from personal experience, does not pay the mortgage. CASE DISMISSED, and may God help that church agent when the utility company shows up with a backhoe.